Self pity & rambling (you've been forewarned)

Right now I'm feeling really sorry for myself. It just suddenly happened. I worry that I'll never have any friends & no one will ever like me. Especially as anything more than that. There are a lot of things I don't like about myself. There are a lot of things I do like about myself, too, but others only see the negative about me & never the positive. Plus, a lot of the things about me that I consider positive, a lot of others consider negative. All I want is to be able to have a real life. To be able to have a conversation with someone, to not feel so horrible around people, to not feel like no one would like the real me if they knew it. I wonder if anyone will ever like the real me. Probably not. I don't want to be alone forever, but I probably will. Who would ever date me? No one. That's the truth. It's horrible, but it's the truth. I'm feeling horrible & depressed right now & miserable about my future. Even if I am ever able to someday get better at being around people, nothing's ever going to make up for all the lost time. My life's been meaningless & worthless up to this point. If it weren't for taking care of my mom, it would be 100% worthless. I've done nothing. I'm so behind in life. No one will ever even give me a chance, even if I'm ever able to give them a chance. Life sucks. I'm so tired of being this way & I just want it to all change. I wish I had a crystal ball to look through to tell me what things are going to be like ten years from now. Then I'd know whether feeling like this was a waste or not. I highly doubt it is, though. I have to stop now before I just continue this. I'm just feeling so horrible & I'm so tired of it all. I wonder why I was ever even born. It just doesn't make sense.