Bitterness

Posted August 1, 2008 by leppardess

I was just thinking about bitterness today. My grandmother and father were both hugely bitter people, hangning onto old hurts like they're priceless. My Mom taught me that I have a choice as to what I do with my bitter feelings.

With all the crap I've been through (especially the last 15 years...), I would have a right to feel bitter but I also have the right to work through those issues, try to learn something from them and go on from there.

It took me years to get past what all my grandmother did to me, in addition to what my father did to me. I'm just getting to the point where I don't obsess over how I'm the only one left, which, for me is major progress.

While anxiety always plays a part in how I deal with stuff, that's just one more thing that I have to work through. I'm getting better at letting things go and pushing myself to do what I need to do...

That brings me to the one thing that I've been blowing off the last month... calling that damned lawyer!!! I'm really not happy with myself on that but I have to give my anxiety room too. The more I fight it, the more it rears it's ugly head and makes it all the worse. I tried to force myself to make the call a few weeks ago and had a friggin' panic attack O_o Not good.

At any rate, I got 'that time of the month' today and ironically enough, I haven't fallen into a deep depression and despite feeling like death warmed over today, emotionally, I was kind of upbeat for a change... go figure

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Carol Siobhan wrote at April 16, 2010

0 Votes

I don't have to think about bitterness...it surfaces almost daily. My mother raised me to be perfect because of her priviledged education and I couldn't live up to her expectations. My maternal grandmother didn't like me 'cause she didn't like my father because he didn't come from money (British classicism in the 40s & 50s) and my paternal grandfather called our belongings when our family of four went to live with them, junk. That did not sit well with my mother. So...there wasn't any love lost between both parents nor both sets of in-laws.
A family member told me that my mother's chronic worrying was actually anxiety, so I inherited that from my mother.

Carol Siobhan wrote at April 16, 2010

0 Votes

Bitterness....anger, call it what you will...I've felt anger towards my father for rejecting me & was told by my psyche that I'm letting my father control me...still. Same w/my late IL who made my life a living hell! She's the reason I had to try counselling with my former dr turned psychotherapist.

leppardess wrote at August 1, 2008

1 Vote

Quote:

Originally posted by: "Becky

((((((((((((((((((((Annie))))))))))))))))))) I've been dealing with feeling bitter this week. Some of it due to a choice I made. I told myself that I would just feel it and let it go.

The other thing was about my father. I don't know why it's so hard to let go of things that hurt you when you were a kid, but I know that it is. And it seems like even if you think you've moved past it, it can still come back and bite you in the butt. And it rather sucks sometimes.

Your mom was certainly right. Holding on to bitterness only makes you feel bad. The person or situation that you're feeling bitter about can't feel that.

I'm glad to hear that you've been feeling more perky this week. Eventually you're going to make that phone call. And then you're going to be feeling even better!

Yeah, isn't it funny how you can swear that you've dealt with something up down, backwards and forwards and later on, it comes back and bites you in the ass??

Hopefully, I'll get over myself and call that stupid lawyer today. I really don't feel like doing that at this moment because my sinuses are acting up (my head feels like it's going to fall off any second now...) but if I feel up to it, I'll go ahead later today. I just want to get this done and over with so I can stop stressing about it.

Becky wrote at August 1, 2008

0 Votes

((((((((((((((((((((Annie))))))))))))))))))) I've been dealing with feeling bitter this week. Some of it due to a choice I made. I told myself that I would just feel it and let it go.

The other thing was about my father. I don't know why it's so hard to let go of things that hurt you when you were a kid, but I know that it is. And it seems like even if you think you've moved past it, it can still come back and bite you in the butt. And it rather sucks sometimes.

Your mom was certainly right. Holding on to bitterness only makes you feel bad. The person or situation that you're feeling bitter about can't feel that.

I'm glad to hear that you've been feeling more perky this week. Eventually you're going to make that phone call. And then you're going to be feeling even better!

Carol Siobhan wrote at April 16, 2010

0 Votes

Becky, I have to say I can so relate to you. I don't know your father/daughter situation/circumstances, but for me it began when I was five and then my brother was born. My father didn't want any children, my mother did, yet my father told me while he was alive, that he gave all his love and attention to my brother. So basically, and I think this is the irony, at age 5, I was sent to English boarding school, day school actually, there for two years, so maybe there's a connection between 5 yrs. of age and my brother being born. My father more or less idolized him. Later in life, when my brother died from accidental overuse of prescription medication and vodka, my father went into a downward spiral (major depression) never recovered. I have wondered what if that had been me. Ongoing anger when I see on t.v. father's/daughter's being loving and caring towards each other, that the anger, the bitterness surfaces. Yeah, you're right...it sucks! Both my father & late IL are still F* controlling me from the former's watery grave & the latter's physical grave. I had a total mental meltdown while she was alive. I believe in the type of karma that says, if someone says something that hurts you, it comes back and it did...for my IL. She died from metastasized cancer.