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I think I might have social anxiety disorder by bk
I know it is a couple weeks early to be reflecting on 2009. But it's been stupid cold outside for days and it has given me plenty of chances...
I know it is a couple weeks early to be reflecting on 2009. But it's been stupid cold outside for days and it has given me plenty of chances...
Posted on: December 15, 2009
This blog has 2 comment(s) and was viewed 81 times(s). Last comments by:
This blog has 2 comment(s) and was viewed 81 times(s). Last comments by:
Posted March 16, 2010 by bk
This year has gotten off to a bad start.
Well maybe I should back up a little to put a tiny bit of a positive spin at the start of this blog. For new years eve I actually met with a few people off of SAS for fireworks and Christmas lights at the zoo. I didn't make any friends and I haven't talked to anyone I met that night since, but I think it was still good that I went. It's always nice when I can push myself and take a risk even if things don't turn out fantastic. I give myself a 'C' for execution but an 'A' for effort.
Anyways, once 2010 rolled around things have gone a little south. For the most part I have been pretty depressed and maybe a little antisocial. I haven't really been leaving the house for anything except work, and I feel that I really have to push myself to even do something simple like shopping. I've also been getting headaches daily. At first I thought it was a vision problem, but I've been to my Optometrist a few times and it doesn't seem to solve anything. I'm still not convinced that it's not a vision problem, but I am also trying to cut all caffeine to see if it makes a difference. If that doesn't work I will probably go see a doctor because I am having difficulty functioning normally, as the headaches only seem to go away when I am sleeping.
Lately it just feels like I can't be around people. I just want to be alone. It seems like it has been a long time since a conversation went well. And it just seems like I am better off the further I am away from other people. Dealing with people just seems like a chore. But of course I am lonely and I wish I had a friend and I wish I wouldn't push everyone away.
Within a month I will max out on vacation days at work. I've been working here for almost 3 years and I have only taken 3 vacation days for my sisters wedding. I would take time off, but I don't really know what I would do with myself. It would seem like a waste to take time off to sit around at home, but I just can't get my head around the idea of taking a vacation alone.
I've also been thinking of quitting. The job market is getting warmer and for the most part my work is somehow both boring and stressful; maybe there is something else out there that would be slightly more interesting and exciting? And maybe they would pay me slightly more money.
I think a big problem I have been having lately is that I let myself procrastinate a lot more when I am depressed. I just hate to make decisions when I am depressed, because I am not exactly clear-headed at the moment. So I put every decision on hold, hoping that I will feel better in the near future. But I am sure that procrastination breeds depression and I really need to take a hold of my life.
Well maybe I should back up a little to put a tiny bit of a positive spin at the start of this blog. For new years eve I actually met with a few people off of SAS for fireworks and Christmas lights at the zoo. I didn't make any friends and I haven't talked to anyone I met that night since, but I think it was still good that I went. It's always nice when I can push myself and take a risk even if things don't turn out fantastic. I give myself a 'C' for execution but an 'A' for effort.
Anyways, once 2010 rolled around things have gone a little south. For the most part I have been pretty depressed and maybe a little antisocial. I haven't really been leaving the house for anything except work, and I feel that I really have to push myself to even do something simple like shopping. I've also been getting headaches daily. At first I thought it was a vision problem, but I've been to my Optometrist a few times and it doesn't seem to solve anything. I'm still not convinced that it's not a vision problem, but I am also trying to cut all caffeine to see if it makes a difference. If that doesn't work I will probably go see a doctor because I am having difficulty functioning normally, as the headaches only seem to go away when I am sleeping.
Lately it just feels like I can't be around people. I just want to be alone. It seems like it has been a long time since a conversation went well. And it just seems like I am better off the further I am away from other people. Dealing with people just seems like a chore. But of course I am lonely and I wish I had a friend and I wish I wouldn't push everyone away.
Within a month I will max out on vacation days at work. I've been working here for almost 3 years and I have only taken 3 vacation days for my sisters wedding. I would take time off, but I don't really know what I would do with myself. It would seem like a waste to take time off to sit around at home, but I just can't get my head around the idea of taking a vacation alone.
I've also been thinking of quitting. The job market is getting warmer and for the most part my work is somehow both boring and stressful; maybe there is something else out there that would be slightly more interesting and exciting? And maybe they would pay me slightly more money.
I think a big problem I have been having lately is that I let myself procrastinate a lot more when I am depressed. I just hate to make decisions when I am depressed, because I am not exactly clear-headed at the moment. So I put every decision on hold, hoping that I will feel better in the near future. But I am sure that procrastination breeds depression and I really need to take a hold of my life.
