Title: Sometimes I Wonder...
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Blog Entry: ......Why I turn my cell phone on.... [br] It kills me to have to avoid my old life, but for soo many reasons i have too. I might have pretty bad SA and be a loner now, but it beats the hell out of living the life i did with the "friends" i had just to be part of something. eventually half of them will overdose, go to prison, or die....just like the other half of them already did and i refuse to go down with them or watch it happen anymore. [br] I just wish i could tell them but really all it comes across to them as is that i think i'm better than them now. Its not like that at all and i dont want to hurt anyones feelings but d@mnit i dont want to be a f*ckin druggie just so i can have a life without SA. that itself is NO life. [br] Sure you meet lots of people and have a good ol' time with your "friends", till you see that person the next day and they dont remember it or you. Or you have a meaningful conversation with a good "friend" you meet, all to find out they dont remember a word either of you said. Or my personal favorite, when they start tellin you this memorable story of somethin that happened in there life and all you can think is "why are you tellin me this I was the one with you when it happened!" and then it dawned on me. [br] These people were never my friends. The only one of them that ever truly was is dead now. I just want them to let me fade away but for some reason they are not making it very easy for me to do that, and i dont understand because all they ever did was make my life hell.
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