My Social Anxiety Stems from my Condition

In case you all don't know me or remember me, I have been and am dealing with trichotillomania. I been dealing with trichotillomania ever since age 12 (I was vividly in sixth grade). For those of you who don't know what trichotillomania is, its a condition that causes people to pull out their hair from mostly their scalps, armpits, legs, arms, or any place with hair resulting in noticable bald spots and whatnot. I can NOW control it because I wear a lace wig that I recently just gotten so I haven't been pulling. Honestly I pull alittle now but NOT everyday like I used to because the wig I am wearing can stay on for as long as 30 days but I take it off to wash my real hair and because my real hair itches.

I have learned that everyone has issues. I guess I should be thankful because my condition could be worst. But the way I felt since the beginning of when I had the disorder, I feel worthless, low, depressed, sad, extremely nervous, paranoid. I think thats where my social anxiety stems from, trichotillomania. The reason that my title says my social anxiety stems from trichotillomania is because as a teen, I was always so paranoid that someone will pull my wig off or find out my secret. I was always ridiculed at school mainly because of my hair and other things. No one wanted to be around me because something is wrong with me. Honestly I feel that there is something wrong with me. I used to always question myself " Am I slow (retarded)?" like alot of people say I am? Why me? Why do people treat me this way? (I will get to those issues later on.

The good news is that I am not as extremely paranoid or nervous as I used to be because I am starting to connect with certian people who can relate to me mostly online which is a great thing but I wish I can meet them in person so we can be lifelong friends and hang out on occasions. Because I am doing more things and learning everyday at a time and I'm not in middle or high school, I am more happy than I used to be.

I am able to just deal with this condition. I might as well embrace it. I guess the point of this blog is I learned that you can't let a certian condition or disorder bring you down. Yea I know, not as easy as I say it. There will be a point in your life that you will be sick of letting your condition run your life. There may not be a cure for trichotillomania but I believe that I am a better and understanding person because of it. My advice for everyone with any conditions whether its mild or intolerable is to find people with your same issue to connect with. Most people with any bad conditions are the greatest people in the world (I think) because they can deal with the abnormalities (diseases, conditions, disorders) and can still live life to the fullest. (I'm not making sense, I am just writing whatever pops in my head.)