iTs CoMpLiCaTeD

i know im not online hardly at all anymore. my bad if anyone thinks i left em hangin, but im trying my damndest to make a life of my own here in cali so i dont have as much time anymore as i used to.
but at anyrate, im gettin things done out here. its been hard as hell. everything has. nothing has went as expected...but im still alive. im surviving. ive made alot of progress. but its takin alot longer than i thought to get my ssi transferred and get my health care and i cant get into a therapist/psych until i get everything trasferred,im also runnin low on meds,(that and ive hit a mercedes, had over 3 grand in unexpected expenses(like getting my car smogged..WTF, paying damn near 500 bucks to transfer my drivers liscence and plates to here etc. ....im bustin my *ss here...ive had moments of extreme happiness(when Im with Alana)and when im gettin stuff done, there's been times ive wanted to kill myself. ive heard people being killed outside. my anxiety has been through the roof. i mean about everything. there are so many challenges. many i wont mention out of respect. but lets just say that i did a really good thing/really bad thing tonight. meaning that in many ways its the right thing to do, but it may be the death of me.......give me my effing medical card you dumb slow *ss cali ssi workers...do you want me to run out of my meds? WTF....im elligible and i have it coming to me....give me the *hit so i can get into a therapist and psych before its too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!